I want to advise those in abusive relationships, try harder to save your life. Many people think that it is easy to just leave and move on with your life. IT is not! You must get the strength up to leave, set a plan, and follow through with that plan. Don’t worry about what others are thinking of you. Know that you have to think of only you and your family (children). We deserve better. I know how you feel because I am a survivor. Helping women just like me is what I do to without judgment.
Many women know that it is difficult to gain trust in others when you are trying to transition your life outside of abuse. Meaning, you have no idea who you can confide in or who are truly your friends. Those who won’t spread rumors of your business instead of helping you through that difficult time.
It is already complicated for those to tell people what they are going through. When someone opens up about their experience to you, be open and just listen. Do not judge them and offer crazy explanations of what you would do if it were you. Be there to seek help and resources for them. Help to plan an escape. Lastly, try to be consistent with your help. It may just save the lives of a friend and their children.
I tried to leave three times before finally doing so. The funny part was, he moved into my apartment where I paid rent. My children were the reason I chose to leave.
Looking back everyone had their opinions and feedback, but until you are in the situation, you have no idea how you will react or what you will do. Never in a million years did I think it could happen to me. My world slowly started to crash and I had no idea how fast. All the signs were there. Always showing up at the train station after work. Being at my door or my child’s babysitters. Constantly calling to ‘check up’ on me. I didn’t want to date anyone at this time because my former fiancee and I had called off our engagement. The abuser used this as leverage saying he could take care of us and would never treat us like my ex. He was right, he was much worse.
Make you and the children a priority. Keep extra copies of social security cards, bank statements, list of shelters and other resources in a safe hiding space. If you can, pack a bag with a pair of clothes for each of you and keep at a friends house for when you a prepared to leave.
Being Free to be open
I often wonder am I am where I’m supposed to be? Then I realize that I have a purpose. The abuse I suffered was not necessarily in vain. Since then, I have helped many women and now men understand that the tongue is a fierce weapon. The hand just follows the thick, hard blow of the tongue.
I remember going into a therapy session and thinking that this person will judge me for being in an abusive relationship. After the meeting was over, I remember the weight that was lifted off of me. ‘I told someone my secret’, I thought leaving. She did not judge me or made me feel like it was my fault. After all, from family and friends, I was getting that familiar song. Many do not know how hard it is to break away from someone or something that you are used to. You start to feel all alone, scared, and defeated. The moment I had the idea to move on without him, made me feel free and open. My desire was to be away from agony, abuse, fear, and become safe. Being free to be open allowed me to get the courage I needed to finally file the restraining order for my house, my relatives houses, and my child’s school. I felt rejuvenated! Free from the oppression, the hold, and bondage that this abuser, who I called my man had over me. Being free, meant going places without fear and never watching over my shoulder. A part of me was tired of giving him the authority over me to run my life. Being open in that first therapy session allowed me to take back my life, and then help others.
I was in my hospital bed for the last time. I was desperate for help. I prayed for strength and peace within me. The ability to finally leave and when I gotten myself together, I would work on helping others. Being free from abuse allowed me to be open to tell my story. I was no longer ashamed to tell others. Later, I found out that it helps heal myself and help others. Starting The Women’s Solo Project, Inc. was a way to reach out to those in need. Giving the full understanding of what it is to be expected, how to deal with it, getting over it. The knowledge I have is no text book knowledge, it is real life experiences with real results. Being free opens the passage way for healing. Letting them know, I’ve gotten out and so can you.
When you speak, it projects volumes. Open your mouth, others are listening to gain helpful knowledge.
Know Your Worth
know your worth. Know that you are a rose, that is delicate and precious. Know that you should not settle for no one or anything. Believe that you can do all things that require hard work and dedication. Set time for yourself to remove negativity, recollect positive practices, and restore your health.
Recognize your purpose in this life. Understand your service to others. Know your worth.
You are worth being treated right. You are worthy of having a good life. You are worth fighting for and winning.
Each day is given as a gift. Be mindful of how you spend it. Do good and it will come back to you. You are the only one who knows your worth. Teach others the importance and benefits of having you in their life.
Fathers, STAND UP!!
Fathers, it is important to be a part of your children’s lives. It is important for little girls to know how a man should treat her. How he is suppose to respect her and treat her as an equal. She must know the first man in her life shows her that when she does wrong, that it is okay. Try again while you support her. Dads, be the example for the next man she comes in contact with. She will know not to settle for less. No one will call her out her name because she will not tolerate and accept it. The first man who teaches her of a higher power, she takes on a date, and one who her boyfriend/husband can live up to. Fathers, STAND UP!! so that your baby girl will not try to seek a male figure who mistreats her, beat her, and leave her. Because she will already know what to look for in a man once she leaves your home.
Fathers, STAND UP!! for our little boys. Teach them how to be a man by respecting his mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, and teachers. The little boys that grow up knowing the only way in getting a woman is using her for his own good. No one taught him to hold doors for girls and women. You were not there dad to teach him how to fix things around the house. Therefore, his mother has a male friend to come in and mistreat him. He goes out into the world angry because he lost the only person that cared for him to an unknown man. His aggression is played out through crime and addiction.
Where are you Father? Why didn’t you stand up for your children when they needed you most? Your absence did more damage than if you were present. Your absence meant that you did not care or love them. Your presence could have prevented heartbreak, confusion, and neglect. Stand up because our children’s lives depend on it. They are our future and need someone to look up to.
Power is strong word. It exemplifies big, massive, and an influence of presence. The power you have can be good or bad. The choice is yours in how it will be used. Power can make you or break you. Everyone has power and the free will to use it accordingly.
Many misuse power, others do not know they have it, and some share with others in becoming effective. Power generate mechanic and electric currents in order for things to work. When power is recognized, it allows for others to release authority over to you. Having power gives the privileged to operate in a way that is skilled and inspiring.
No matter what your power is, feel free to ignite others and make a positive difference.
Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you’ve got —Andrew Young